Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
