Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
