remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
