you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
