I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
