First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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