We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
