smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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