god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
