Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
