yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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