You really coming over, don't trick.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
