walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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