She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
