May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
