just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
