forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
