I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
