ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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