Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
