he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
