hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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