bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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