I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
