I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
