Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
