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wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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