just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
