and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
