Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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