Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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