he told me I talked like a deaf person
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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