dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
