I cannot find my penis.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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