His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
