You're my little dorito
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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