so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
