This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
