Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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