u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
