Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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