I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
