i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
