Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
