I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
