When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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