he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
