im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
