I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
