The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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