I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
