Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
