Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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